omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
