you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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