is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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