I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
