Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
