I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
