Cold hands, warm shart.
I have demons in me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
