where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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