Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
