Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
