Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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