i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
