i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
