I think I died a long time ago.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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