God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
