Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
