did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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