new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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