I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
