I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
