i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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