and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
