I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
