I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you never un-have a 4some
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
