the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
