I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
