I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
