12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
