New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
