how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
