White coat. Heels.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You can't special order awesome
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
