you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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