his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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