I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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