How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
