He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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