Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
