she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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