I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
