You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize