He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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