We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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