Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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