She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
