He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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