If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
