...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
