If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
