Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
