Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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