Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
