Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
