I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
