I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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