He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
cat food counts as protein by the way
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
