Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
