guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
