I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
