you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
