i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
