I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
pray to the hookup gods
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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