chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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