Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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