i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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