Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
