Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
