god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
