She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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