Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
