Just fell off a train. Bad.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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