I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
