So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
