i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
