The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
