the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You are the jesus of drinking
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize